What happens in your first online counselling session

Not knowing what to expect is one of the main reasons people put off a first session. So here is the whole thing, start to finish, with nothing left mysterious.

Before the session

When you book, you'll answer three short questions: what brings you here, your age, and your gender. "What brings you here" can be a single line. It simply gives Somesh a starting point so the first minutes aren't spent on paperwork.

Your confirmation arrives by email straight away, and a reminder before the session. Sessions run on Google Meet; you'll receive the link before you meet. You don't need an app, only a browser, a device with a camera, and somewhere private to sit. Headphones help if you share a home.

The first few minutes

Somesh will say hello, check you can hear each other, and explain briefly how sessions work, including confidentiality: what you say stays between you, with the few exceptions every counsellor works with (a serious risk to life, or where the law requires it). You can ask anything at this point. Many people ask "so how does this go?", which is a perfectly good opener.

The conversation

Most of a first session is a conversation about what has been happening and what you'd like to be different. It usually moves between the present (what things are like day to day) and a little of the background (when it started, what has helped or not). You steer how much to share. There is no form to get through and no obligation to talk about anything you're not ready for.

Somesh may ask questions that seem simple ("what does a bad day look like?") because the details of a bad day often say more than a label ever could. He may also reflect back what he's hearing, so you can tell him where he's got it right or wrong.

What you don't need to do

• You don't need a diagnosis, a clear story or the right words.
• You don't need to cry, or to hold it together. Both are fine.
• You don't need to have "tried everything" first.
• You don't need to decide about further sessions on the spot.

How it ends

Towards the end, Somesh will usually sum up what he's understood and suggest what support could look like: how often to meet, what you might work on first, and sometimes a small thing to notice between sessions. If a medical assessment would also help, he'll say so plainly. Then you decide what you'd like to do next, in your own time.

Small things that help

• Give yourself ten quiet minutes before the session rather than joining straight from a meeting.
• Have water nearby, and tissues within reach just in case.
• If it's useful, jot down two or three things you don't want to forget to mention. Optional, never required.
• Plan something gentle for afterwards. First sessions can stir things up, and a walk or a cup of tea is a kind way to land.

This article is general information, not personal advice. If you are worried about your safety or someone else's, contact a crisis helpline or emergency services.